THE JOURNEY OF A LAGOS VIRGIN (THE MANUAL) by Amanda Anundobi

*Listening to the last chorus of Banky W’s ‘Lagos Party’ as it begins to fade out*

Lasgidi. Eko. Gidis. The big apple. All these names are synonymous with this city in the west. A city where people don’t sleep: a city that houses most of the celebrities in Nigeria, a city where people think their dreams can come true.

When I was growing up, I even heard that the city doesn’t have a ‘welcome’ signpost. The only one that exists doesn’t read WELCOME TO LAGOS; rather it reads THIS IS LAGOS. If you ask me, they should have added ‘you are truly on your own’. Irrespective of the harsh conditions of life for some people it doesn’t deter graduates and those seeking better life and greener pastures from re-locating to this city. There’s a myth surrounding it that all your dreams come true in Lagos. You can also compare it with New York; listen to Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys and Jigga Banks (Jay Z) if you need more insight on New York.

I was a Lagos virgin up until March this year *eyes rolling* (sue me); and I must say that it was a very exciting experience. I got a confirmation letter to attend the auditions for big brother Africa Star Game along with many other Nigerians and I almost went berserk. I read the email and my eyes went to the venue and it read Protea Hotel, Maryland Lagos.

It hit me for the first time that I had to make a trip to Lagos, a city that I’ve never visited. It’s said that first timers are picked out because they stick out like a sore thumb. So, while I got ready for my trip, I was still filled with apprehension; I was nervous and anxious  to see this city of dreams. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling that way, but after thinking, I came to a conclusion – I AM GOING TO LAGOS.

I called my sisters and I told them about it, they were very supportive and they sent me their address located somewhere around Festac Town. I consulted with friends and they were psyched. A day before my departure I was summoned by them for induction and advice on behavioral pattern, so I won’t ‘fall mugu’ as a JJC.

LAGOS JUMP

My friend Didi told me that my first stop will be Ojota, and that I should hold on to my bag and not talk to strangers. I should stand and wait for a bus with the conductor shouting at the top of his voice Cele/Mile 2! Cele /Mile 2!! And her instruction manual came with detailed visuals because she showed me how they will call and all, and also she told me that I should not pay more than a hundred a fifty naira (150), and if he insists that I should pay more than that, I should decline: and to  show my seriousness make ‘I rake am well well’, ‘make I ginger like say I wan slap am; den him go sorji say I no be jjc’. It didn’t end there, Doris my other friend told me that when I hear them saying Mile 2, Mile 2 that I should say ‘OWA!’, that if I don’t say it, I definitely will find myself at the last bus-stop. When I alight, I should board another bus with the bus conductor screaming Agboju/Alakija and that I should board and tell the conductor I’ll dropping off at Maza-Maza. Then I should pick a bike and tell the bike man where I was going to. I thanked them and said to myself that I’ll be there within the blink of an eye.

The next day as early as 3am, I got up, took my bath and headed for Ifesinachi Transport where I boarded the third bus going to Lagos, it was not an easy journey. Halfway into the journey, I was already tired, my bum hurt from sitting, I was getting restless, infact, my whole body was hurting. I cursed in my mind and I felt like crying. I fell asleep out of exhaustion; I woke up some hours later and asked where we were, and was told we were on Lagos/Ibadan expressway. I asked how long until Lagos? My fellow passenger said very soon. Time passed by until… Lagos finally.

There at Ojota, I waited just like my friends had told me and I stood there for some minutes. Lagos conductors are very funny, they have this mastered gait and the way they talk is very funny too. They talk through their nose which makes it hard for JJC’s like me to pick out the right direction. Buses came by and left, I couldn’t make out what the conductors were saying. Their words so slurred and rushed and they, as usual, enjoy shouting so much.

It seems like a fellow commuter who was standing nearby took pity on me and asked where I was going. I told him and he laughed and he said that all the buses that have passed were all heading my way. So, into the next bus I hauled my tired self.  The conductor asked and I told him Mile 2, and he said 200 naira. I was shocked and remembered my friend’s advice; I wanted to scream but didn’t want to embarrass myself. So I just took out a crispy 200 naira note out of my wallet and handed it to him, and sat still. When we had driven for a long while I asked if we’d gotten to Mile 2 yet. He said no, but would tell you when we do. I was so relieved.

Finally, we got to Mile 2 and I was astonished by the number of cars on the road. I felt like it was another country. Into another bus I jumped and finally found myself at Maza-Maza. Then the long bike ride which took me straight to my sisters’ doorstep. I got in, took a cold bath and slept till the next morning.  *smiling*. Yes it was that bad.

This is like a manual to every Lagos virgin which I once was, keep the faith and hold your head up while you walk.

And that is how Mandy sees it.*winks*

HOUSE OF NWOCHA ANNOUNCES EVA ALORDIAH AS FACE OF THE BRAND.

culled from 360nobs.com

Who is Eva Alordiah?
I’m a Rapper/Entertainer, Creative writer and Blogger. I’m a lot of things really. I love life, I come from a simple christian background and a closely knit family.

Your genre of music is basically rap. Was it a first choice or you just found yourself being great at it?
I was a first choice when I decided to do music professionally. It came naturally so it wasn’t a debate for me really. I get to sing when I want to though, I find music just fun and exciting and I’m only doing it the best most natural way that I can.

Your new song/video, HIGH, has a deep and sensitive feel to it. What birthed that song? The video was amazing too and there was a quick HON feature tell us about that.
HIGH is a special record. It’s a reflection of what goes on beneath the smile on a person’s face sometimes. I was going through a time in my life when people would smile in my face and then turn around to dig holes with 6inch heels on my back when I wasn’t looking. It basically describes rising above all the hate, spite, drama and craziness that life brings and focusing on why you are here and the things that make you happy. For me, it was music.

A lot of people have defined the song literally as it was written, but its really about a different kind of high. (Laughing) I don’t do drugs, say no to drugs please.

The HON felt perfect. I’m a fan of the brand plus I have worn a couple of elegant HON pieces. I thought it was a way to channel that relationship and we kind of found a good spot for it in the video.

However for fashion pieces, I spotted designs from “Ejiro Amos Tafiri” “Buttons Couture” and “Jaywalcar Tees”.

I really feel like the video wouldn’t have come out as great as everyone says it is if Mex wasn’t such the genius that he is. It was great working with him

What’s your take on Nigerian fashion?
Nigerian fashion has gone global.

And its beautiful to witness. I don’t even buy clothes from the store anymore. Well I rarely do these days. I’d rather have a custom made piece by a Nigerian designer. And I have been blessed to work with a number of highly talented people. MAI, who is one of my favorites, ‘House of Nwocha’, ‘Anuba Couture’, ‘Ejiro Amos Tafiri’, ‘Moofa’, ‘April by Kunbi’, uuuRRGH! The list is endless.

Nigerian fashion is on a ‘riddick’ scale! Love it.

How would you define style and what influences your choice of outfits?
Style I’d always say, is what you make of it. Style for me is me. Its a reflection of self.

I’m a very spontaneous, ‘in my own world’ kind of person when it comes to fashion and style. I’d do it for me, not to impress anyone. I am not one to take opinions from people on my style too easily. Over the years, I have crafted and groomed ‘Eva’ by myself, creating an embodiment of everything Me. And I look back today with a very proud smirk on my face.

My choice of outfits are not necessarily influenced by anything. I really can’t say. Again, I am spontaneous. Very edgy too. That means anything can become cloth wey I go just wear put for bodi. From nails, to pins, to chains, to rocks and stones. If it works, and I don’t end up looking like you, I’m happy.

Your sense of style is obviously very daring and unique. Why this choice?
It’s really who I am. I’m weird. I’m edgy. I want to feel sexy but not look like every other sexy girl. I want to exude that warm grace of a woman but not subdue all the strength that lies within by doing that. So if you had to embody Sexy, Fun, Playful, Edgy, Strong, Independent, Childish, Colorful, Crazy – all in one, you’d probably be close to what I’m thinking when I’m deciding my style.

Fashion and Music go hand in hand. Do you agree?
Oh Yes! Always.

When I started by career and I was caught up doing it all by myself, my first assignment was to get the image right. To do that I had to pull in my creative resources, borne out of a life-long love for fashion. I think a big part of the little success I have had thus far is as a result of my focus on not just my music, but on my fashion as well.

Fashion label, HOUSE OF NWOCHA, has worked with you on several occasions and you are featured in it’s 2012 Ad campaign, what does this mean to you?
For me its all fun. I’m glad to work with creative people like the HON team. I have a big love for fashion and anything that’d keep me experiencing all the joy that that brings is a welcome treat.

Ugonna, the Creative Director of HON is an amazing and daring woman. She inspires me, and her work? Effortless!

It wasn’t a business decision, It was a ‘I Love fashion and I think HON rocks too much not to do this’ situation. (Laughing)

I look forward to working with more designers like this. I could work with everyone if I was blessed with strength and time to. Fashion people are crazy people. I love them.

Eva Arlordiah for House of Nwocha: Brand Ambassador

What other aspects of fashion interest you apart from wearing designer clothes and looking fabulous? We heard you do makeup, is that true?
Haha! Your gossip sources are great! (Laughing)

Yes I’m a Makeup artist. i have been doing Makeup professionally since I was 18. It actually came naturally, borne out of the fact that I could draw pretty well. So from sketching and being the best student in fine arts back in school, I kinda fueled all that creative energy into designing clothes and painting faces.

I love every bit of it.

I started my Makeup company about 4years ago and I haven’t looked back since.

So yea, asides being a Rapper, I’m also the C.E.O of ‘makeupByOrsela. We provide Makeup artistry services in Fashion, Film/Tv, Weddings, Photography, Visuals and more.

I Love Photography. I’m also a tailor in my free time. My Mom learned how to sew when we were much younger and I picked it up from her. So when I’m not running around hustling like a man, I’d probably be in my makeup studio or at home sewing a new dress.

I find juggling music, makeup and fashion very easy though so there’s no questioning any of my decisions. I’m just really happy and I feel blessed to be able to do all the things that I do.

Advise for those who look up to you?
Do you, be true to yourself. If you fail, try try again.

Blog: http://www.evaalordiah.com | Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/EvaAlordiah

DARK KNIGHT RISES PREMIERES IN NEW YORK…

The leading ladies of the Dark Knight Rises battled it out on the red carpet of the movie’s premiere last night. Annie Hathaway and Marion Cortillad both slipped into glamorous white dresses to promote the film in new york.

Anne took the plunge in a grecian style gown which boasted jewel detailing on the bust, a cowel back and a dramatic flowing train.

see pictures below.

Haters! Goldie spits fire on all of you, her critics

Yes, it’s no more news that Goldie is out of the Big Brother House, but what is news is that she seems to have left her mushy-mushy alter ego in the House and she’s back to the tiger we once knew.

While in the Big Brother House, Goldie put up a romantic affair with a fellow housemate from Kenya, Prezzo. This development did not go well with many Nigerians who religiously followed the show because she was seen to have over-exposed her vulnerability to the rapper leaving her to be manipulated.

Many Nigerian viewers compared her to the country’s former representative, Karen Igho, and her ‘swag’ didn’t quite measure up according to them. Many have quickly forgotten that even Karen had some sort of infatuation with a fellow housemate.

Reacting to these comments, Goldie answered: “Haters are funny, that’s why we say, ‘don’t hate the player, hate the game’. All these haters just take the game too seriously. Now their life is over as they have to find a new person to hate.”

Son of Sylvester Stallone, Sage, found dead at 36

 

Hollywood star Sylvester Stallone has been left “devastated and grief-stricken” following the sudden death of his actor son, Sage.

Sage Stallone, 36, was found unresponsive in his flat in Studio City, near Hollywood, on Friday.

He was pronounced dead at the scene, amid some media reports of a medication overdose.

There was no sign of foul play or trauma, and no suicide note was found, a coroner said.

Sage Stallone appeared alongside his father at the age of 14 in Rocky V.

Bottles of prescription pills were recovered from the flat, but it was unclear what medication they contained or whether they were connected with the death, Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter said.

A post mortem examination will be performed in the next few days, but it will take several weeks before toxicology tests can be completed, Mr Winter told the Associated Press.

The website TMZ quoted unidentified sources as saying that Sage Stallone had died of an overdose of pills, and that the authorities were trying to find out whether it was accidental or intentional.

‘Tragedy’

“Sylvester Stallone is devastated and grief-stricken over the sudden loss of his son, Sage Stallone… His loss will be felt forever,” the star’s publicist, Michelle Bega, said in a statement.

“His compassion and thoughts are with Sage’s mother, Sasha,” the statement added, referring to the star’s first wife, Sasha Czack. “Sage was a very talented and wonderful young man.”

Sage Stallone’s lawyer, George Braunstein, said the body had been found by a housekeeper.

“He was in good spirits, and working on all kinds of projects… He was planning on getting married,” Mr Braunstein told the New York Post.

“I am just devastated. He was an extremely wonderful, loving guy. This is a tragedy.”

Sage Stallone appeared in several films and made his debut as Sylvester Stallone’s on-screen son in the 1990 film Rocky V.

He also acted alongside his father in the 1996 film Daylight.

A TALE OF FLYING COCKROACHES BY SALLY COKER

Hey guys! Sorry we are late…enjoy!

‘”I consider he with the ability to kill a flying roach with one hit a legend for he doth show great courage in the face of even greater fear'”. – Anonymous

Let me state it expressly that I hate lizards more than I hate roaches however flying cockroaches are way above lizards, on the same level with… its just the worst ok? See, its one thing to wake up in the middle of the night for a snack, turn on the lights in the kitchen and BAM! There is a cockroach or more scurrying away. It is a totally different thing to be sitting in the living room, watching TV at 11 pm and one or more (shudders) roaches choose to make appearance by flight. That is just rude; besides it being disgusting.

Has a flying cockroach robbed you of sleep? No? Then you haven’t lived. If you happen to love sleep as much as I do then you’d agree with me that no cockroach will make it to heaven. I even believe they are straight from the depths of hell and my opinion can not be changed, thank you very much. There was this night a while ago; I had had a long day. It was already past 10 and I didn’t even want to watch TV I just wanted to sleep. I had barely drifted off to lala land when a huge cockroach flew and landed straight onto my arm. I jumped off the bed immediately; the alarms in my head screamed:

“What the actual hell?!!!’

I ran and turned on the lights but couldn’t find the cockroach on my bed. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or anxious. I searched around the bed and still didn’t find it. My heart started to slow down to its normal rate. I kept thinking ‘please this thing should not come out again, I just want to sleep. Please God. Please God’. I turned off the lights and went back to sleep.

Like 5 minutes later the thing out of nowhere landed on my face!

“Arrrghhhhhhhhhhh”

My dad came rushing into my room.

“Nne! Nne, what is it? What is it?”

I was just holding my face and shaking like I had been poured a bucket of ice water. I didn’t know exactly how to tell my dad that I had screamed because a cockroach had landed on my face. So, I told him that ‘something’ landed on my face while I was sleeping.

“Something? What something this girl? Ha ga’e vofutagi ogbanje. I thought somebody was trying to stab you here, do you want to wake everybody on this street up?”

Ha ga’e vofutagi ogbanje (something about ogbanje being dug out for me; it’s a long story but if you’re Igbo or you’ve read Things Fall Apart, you’d probably understand)

My dad checked around the room and didn’t find anything, I wasn’t expecting him to; I had checked earlier and didn’t find anything. He left the room angrily with more promises of ogbanje being dug for me. I really couldn’t care, I was only bothered the about fact that I wasn’t going to get any sleep that night until that cockroach was killed. After looking around for a while, I returned to my bed with the lights still on. I’d heard that roaches were nocturnal and so I figured they wouldn’t also like light from an electric bulb. That roach was actually messing with my head that night because like 10 minutes later it flew past my face. At that very point I felt I was in a bad horror movie.

The roach flew past my face again and landed on the wall directly opposite me and for a split second I imagined it saying:

“Catch me if you can bitch”

I knew the roach was ready to do battle. I jumped off the bed and I went for a shoe, in my mind I was like:

“Let’s do this”

I moved close to the wall and struck. Of course I missed. My hand was shaking so much that I wouldn’t have been able to put food into my own mouth successfully. The roach flew higher. I thought ‘today is today; I will kill this thing if it’s the last thing I do’.

I kept up with this charade with the roach for about 15 minutes. By this time my shoes were scattered all over the room; I was trying anything even throwing my shoes at the roach when it flew too high. Sometimes the roach would fly past me with that horrible buzz it makes and I would feel it was teasing me, saying:

“Is that all you got bitch?”

I was done with throwing shoes, so I ran out to get a broom from the kitchen. Brethren, those brooms do more than sweep the house believe me. (Rule number 1: brooms are more effective in killing roaches). I switched to the broom but I still couldn’t hit the roach because I was too nervous to aim properly. (Rule number 2: never encourage fear when you want to kill a flying roach; be confident. Believe that you have wings and you will fly.)

In the midst of frustration, I thought; how can a cockroach be using my head like this? I started to calm my nerves and counted to 20. Advancing slowly towards the wall where the roach was perched, I reached out my hand and struck. Bull’s eye! I hit the roach and it fell straight to the ground. This is exactly how I felt at that moment:

                                                                                                       That’s right! Bite the freaking dust!

I achieved something significant that day; well first I was able to get some sleep. Even though I am no exterminator, I feel I can take out any stinking flying cockroach because I realised that in killing one, you have to overcome your fear for it first which is the first step; and then the rest, they say, is history.

Have a good weekend!

BREAKING NEWS: I will not extend my contract @ Arsenal- Van Persie

The Netherlands international has informed fans through his official website that he will not sign a new deal at the Emirates. More to follow…

THE 10 BEST WEIGHT LOSS TIPS EVER

 
Dieting sucks and never seems to work long-term anyway. These easy habits will slim you down.

Losing pounds doesn’t have to be torture (we’re looking at you, cayenne-pepper cleanse). Adopt at least three of these behaviors — they’re simple to integrate into your day-to-day routine, and all are enthusiastically backed by nutritionists — and you’ll be thinner and healthier in days. (Plus, the weight will stay off.)
1. SNACK, BUT SMARTLY
Grazing between meals used to be on the weight-loss hit list. But nutritionists now know that it’s better to satisfy a craving with healthy grub than ignore it and risk a junk-food binge later. The best picks are filling, protein-packed snacks, such as one stick of string cheese, a tablespoon of peanut butter on a piece of fruit, or a medium-size bowl of edamame.
2. TURN OFF THE TV
Dining while viewing can make you take in 40 percent more calories than usual, reports a new study. And texting, driving, or any other distracting activity during a meal can also result in your eating too much. Instead, make each meal something you put on a plate and sit down to, even if you’re eating solo.
3. STEP ON THE SCALE DAILY
If your regular weight increases several days in a row, it’s a red flag letting you know you need to cut back a little or beef up your workouts slightly.
4. SCULPT THREE TIMES A WEEK
Doing 5 minutes each of push-ups, lunges, and squats (in 30-second intervals) will help build and maintain muscle mass. The more muscle you have, the higher your metabolism will be, so you’ll torch more calories as you go about your day.
5. REACH FOR YOUR CELL
Next time your mind gets stuck on a certain food, call a friend and redirect your brain by asking how her day’s going. Research shows that cravings only last about 5 minutes, so by the time you hang up, the urge to devour junk will have subsided.
6. EAT A BIG, BALANCED BREAKFAST
An a.m. meal made up mostly of carbs and protein with some fat keeps blood-sugar levels steady and hunger pangs away so you’re not susceptible to pigging out come lunch, studies show. Opt for something satisfying for your stomach and taste buds — like egg whites and turkey bacon with whole-wheat toast.
7. WATCH THE BOOZE
One innocent-looking margarita or cosmopolitan can rack up hundreds of calories that do nothing to quench your appetite. Treat yourself just on the weekends and cut back somewhere else or stick to a glass of wine, light beer, or vodka and soda — three drinks that each have about 100 calories per serving.
8. HAVE FRUIT TWICE A DAY
Fruit has no fat and is mostly water, so it’ll fill you up while leaving less room on your plate (and in your stomach) for high-cal fare. Don’t freak about fruit’s carb count — we’re talking the good kind of carbohydrates that contain lots of healthy fiber.
9. STAY ASLEEP LONGER
Getting to bed just 30 minutes earlier and waking up 30 minutes later than you normally do can help you make better food choices, researchers report. Also, when you’re well-rested, you’re less prone to snacking out of fatigue or stress.
10. VISUALIZE YOURSELF THIN
When you feel your willpower breaking, conjure up a mental picture of yourself when you looked and felt slim. The visual motivation keeps you focused on your goal weight and reminds you that it is attainable, since you’ve achieved it before.
 

HELLO READERS!!!

How creative are you? Here is an opportunity to exhibit what you’ve got. Get into the weekly writers competition on www.cynthianugbe.wordpress.com every Wednesday by 8am and win fantastic prices.

How to apply

• Send in your short stories of not more than 450 words to thespianamber@yahoo.com
• Attach your photograph and an e mail address or contact details to your story.
• The story must revolve around the theme for the week.

 The winner for the week will be announced by 6pm on Fridays.  

 The THEME for the new week is love and anarchy. Send in your short stories on or before 6pm, Tuesday 3^rd July 2012.

Much ado about everything II by Sally coker

                                         WHAT IS THIS? REALLY

So here I was browsing the internet, feeling really excited and hoping to see some good news; like the price of iPad 3 has been slashed by half or something else, very exciting still. Then I saw this:

I am honestly confused. I don’t know what or how to feel after seeing this picture. My mind is blank; sincerely I just don’t know how to process this.

How do you put a padlock on your hair and smile to take a picture? I’m just numb. Someone said there is too much nonsense seeping out of her brain so she had to put a padlock on it. That makes sense. I mean there has to be a reason why a human being would do this and leave evidence lying around. Well, I’m of the school of thought that says we are moulded by our environment and things we see around us. That sort of suggests that somebody or some people have to be blamed for this, she couldn’t have just thought this all up. This thought kept me up for some nights and well, I came up with a few theories:

1. 1.       Paris Hilton

If you do not know who Paris Hilton is, please go here. Paris Hilton is the classic blonde. She’s the S.I unit of girls that do dumb things and are famous for it. A lot of other celebs do that as well (Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan to mention a few) but at least they have something to back up their popularity; could be acting, singing, having a sex tape, etc. Paris Hilton is talent-free – unless being a rich heiress is a talent. When she tried her hands on acting it was so bad, that it became popular. Singing? Let’s not go down that road. She does have a sex tape though.

Clearly this girl is channelling her inner Paris Hilton. Doing dumb things and hoping to get famous for it. I think.

1. 2.       Goldie

I like to think there is a bit of Goldie in this girl. You know Goldie would wear anything just for attention, no matter how hideous she looks. I bet if you interviewed this girl, she’d probably tell you that when she grows up she wants to be like Goldie. Well, you know what they say, ‘practice makes perfect’. I’ll say this girl is a 5-inch-eyelash away from being a Goldie wannabe.

1. 3.       Goodluck Jonathan

Of course. I mean this guy has been blamed for everything wrong with Nigeria. Boko Haram, fuel subsidy, air crashes, power, poverty, the general decline in the level of education, waking up 15 minutes late for work this morning. It’s only natural that he should be given credit for this one right? After all, the girl is Nigerian. So yeah, maybe if he wasn’t president this wouldn’t have happened.

1. 4.       Nollywood

Yeah Nollywood definitely has a hand in this. I’m not exactly sure how, but I can say categorically that Nollywood is involved.

1. 5.       She had a bet?

Let me cut the girl some slack. Perhaps she is a very normal girl and isn’t affected by any of the things I mentioned. Maybe she was bored and her friends came up with an idea like ‘Hey. Let’s fix this zipper hair style and put a padlock on it. Whoever does it has to take a picture and we’ll buy her lunch.’ Or ‘Who can come up with something more stupid than the zipper hair? The winner gets…’ Look I’m really trying here; I just can not seem to wrap my mind around this. I even feel a little sorry for her.

You know what, I give up. I can’t deal.

Later!